Transcript
Alison: Hello? Yes.
Jean: Oh, yes, you did it. You’re so good. Look at you, Alison.
Alison: I’m learning this. Um. Hi, Jean.
Jean: Hello.
Alison: Uh, so today is a very special day for Jean and I. Because Jean is going to try to teach me how to make two desserts.
Jean: That’s right, I am, and I it’s my Christmas gift to you.
Alison: Right.
Jean: To teach you how to bake.
Alison: Right. Teaching me how to bake. So today we’re making two desserts. And I guess next time we’re sometime we’ll tell you how it turned out.
Jean: Okay, that sounds like a plan.
Alison: And today we are talking to someone whose book is titled, listen to this title… “Love Yourself Happy: A Journey Back to You” by Shari Elise…
Jean: Who is also known as the Joy magnet. And it is no doubt why she was named this, right?
Alison: She’s, she’s she’s amazing. She’s so joyful.
Jean: I mean, I’m like trying to think of some other adjective, but joy is really the perfect adjective for this beautiful woman.
Alison: And she’s had quite an interesting background, um, as a child. And if you get the book, you’ll read it. She went through, um, sexual abuse and just the testifying and just a lot. She’s gone through a lot. And so her, her coming to a place of joy and wanting to be vulnerable and wanting to be true to her passions is very motivating and very motivating and very inspirational. Right.
Jean: She is. She’s great. You’re gonna love the interview. And you’re also going to love, love her book.
Alison: Yeah. It’s beautiful. So here’s, Shari.
Alison: So happy we’re doing it. We’re now uncapped and it’s fantastic.
Shari Alyse: And you’re together.
Jean: Yeah. We’re together. And you are so worth waiting for because I know our listeners are going to absolutely love you and take away so many, uh, wonderful tips.
Alison: Love Yourself Happy: A Journey Back To You. Why did you… Could you just give our listeners an idea why you decided to write this book? What came up for you?
Shari Alyse: I think this book has always been in me. I’ve always, since the time I was a young girl. As I share in the book, um, sharing my truth, I shared it at seven years old, you know, on a witness stand. Uh, and so there’s always been this desire to whatever it is that I’m learning or I’m feeling. I’ve just always wanted to express it. And as time went on, it was this bubbling inside because I knew and I’ve always instinctively knew that we all go through similar things together. And so if I was learning and I was healing, I knew that my journey would help others.
Alison: That’s right. That’s beautiful. Yeah.
Jean: And can you talk about your journey? What happened a little bit?
Shari Alyse: Yeah. Of course. It’s like when I hear the word journey, it’s so big, right? So I’m like, oh, which part? But, um, yes. So at seven years old, uh, this is always for me, you know, where that starting line feels like, uh, there was of course, a lot before that, but that’s where the turn for me happened. Um, I was I was left in the care… Basically, my sister was going off with friends for the day, and my mom was like, can your sister tag along? I think my mom was a single mom. I know she was a single mom, and I think she wanted, you know, some time for herself. And so, uh, I went off with my sister’s friend’s family who were supposed to care for me, and then they left me in the care of somebody else who didn’t care for me. Um, and at seven, I was abused. Sexually abused, um, by a stranger. It’s interesting because I’ve had so much time, you know, I’ve talked about this so much and in depth and so much continues to come up, though, about, you know, how and why. And I shared what happened. So the man who had done it had threatened afterwards, myself and my family, that if I shared that he would hurt them and he would hurt me. But there was, you know, something inside of me that just knew to tell on him. And in that telling I told.. I tried to tell my sister on the drive home, but, you know, she was with her friends, so she of course, at nine, she was only two years older, at nine years old, didn’t know what was going on.
Shari Alyse: So when we got home, um, I still wanted to tell her. So I remember she was going to the bathroom and I was just in the bathroom with her. And my mom had sensed that there was something wrong with me. And so my mom was actually eavesdropping around the corner, um, listening to me tell my sister that. And in that process, they called the police. Um, and I, we ended up in court. It was 1981, so no one was talking openly about this. And they put me on a witness stand to testify against the abuser. And, you know, we put him in jail. But what happened for me, there was, you know, I ended up, what feels like to this day, having to defend why I didn’t do more at that age to stop this person, you know. Um, and so just from that point on, I learned two things. And those two things were that using my voice, telling my truth helped people because they found out he had done this to a lot of girls. And. You know, I was lauded a hero. But I also found out that using my voice also hurt people because there was a part of me that a big part of me that felt guilt for putting him in jail. Um, and for and for putting my parents… what I thought at that time, I thought my dad was ashamed of me. I thought my mom thought she didn’t teach me the right things, you know? So it really has been this journey of disconnection from that young girl of not wanting to feel that. Yeah. To finding my way back. Right to that young girl.
Jean: You know, I think it’s it’s so cathartic to to share your story as, as you were saying because it’s a part of soul retrieval. You know, that part where we, where we have disconnected from ourselves. And yes, you went through something horrific. But even when you’ve been yelled at by an adult as a child, I mean, the trauma forces the psyche to sort of split. So I do think that telling your story is medicine for soul retrieval. Um, and we can use different words. But I thank you so much because that, you know, sharing your story, sometimes it gets like, oh my God, but you’re doing it and you’re helping new ears here. And I thank you, Sherry.
Alison: Yeah. And I think to not to be defined by that is really something like, you know, you know, at seven years old, it must have been like, what a brave thing and a brave little, you know, or you know, something. There was a marker, a designation of you. And now how do you feel now? Because you have gone out of your way not to be defined by that.
Shari Alyse: Out of my way is a perfect example. I mean, a description of and I knew that. And again, you know, there were two things that I knew at that time for sure. Number one, while it was happening, I remember knowing that I was going to be okay. I there was just something inside that was just almost like, bear it. You’re gonna be all right. Um, but I also knew, too. I knew that I didn’t do anything wrong. Right. And I knew that I did not want to be a victim. And. That was good and it sent me on a different path as well, which was to not connect to what had happened and to deny what I think will I what I know that I was feeling and pushing that down. So then it was again, that journey to coming back to he feeling it, hearing it, sitting with it, and then still having that thing that I won’t be defined by it. Right?
Alison: And now you are the joy magnet.
Shari Alyse: That’s what they say.
Jean: You exude this joy and it’s contagious. Sherry, can you tell us the difference in your mind between happiness and joy?
Shari Alyse: Yes, absolutely. So it’s on, on in a basic way. Happiness is external. It’s those things that we define ourselves or that happen to us that, you know, we talk about the emotions and the feelings of happiness that makes me happy. Uh, and joy for me and people… What I’ve learned is that it’s internal, that it’s a state of being. It’s who we are, and it’s something that can’t be taken away. While it may not be sparked in that moment, for me, it just feels like our soul. It’s who we are as children. It’s why we relate when we look at them. We can recognize ourselves in that. Um, and I and I always I have this I don’t know if it’s analogy, but I always say it feels like, um, if life was a dinner table, happiness is what’s being served on the table, and joy is what we bring to the table.
Alison: That’s beautiful. I have to just say to every listener, this book, your book, Love Yourself Happy… what we’re talking about, is so great. You know, we read it the first time we were going to interview you, and then we did it again. And I have to tell you, every time I read it, I get something new. And the thing that impresses me the most every time I read it is how you are so much like me. And I’m sure everybody says that you’re so vulnerable. How was that to write something that’s so you so personal?
Shari Alyse: Freeing, uh, and definitely freeing because it felt like it’s why I create content actually every day… Videos…. It feels like this part of my soul that needs to be expressed. And once I do, there’s a lightness to it. Um, it was hard because there was so much. There was a lot that I blocked out. There was a lot that I had to sit with and really remember and put myself back in that place. But it was fun. Like so much of my book was written by audio. So I would as I was doing my morning hikes, I was just sharing, um, into my phone notes. And so which is always so interesting when people say like, it feels like I’m right in the room. When you were talking to me, I’m like, I literally was. I was just speaking it.
Jean: Your book is an easy read in that it’s very relatable and, and I do think this should be a required reading for high school seniors because you go through so much already by the time you’re 17 or 18. And many of us don’t even connect back to ourselves. And we live so much life, sort of disconnected. You use the word connection a lot in this book. Can you talk about? The meaning of connection?
Shari Alyse: Yes I mean connection, connection to me is what Joy is. I believe it’s why you both have said that I exude and radiate joy is because for me – Joy is connection to five things. Uh, connection to ourselves, connection to each other, to our creativity, our purpose and to nature. I feel like when we connect to each one of those selves, it sparks joy. And I spent many years, as I said, disconnected from myself. Which means, you know, I was using food to not have to feel it, to not connect with myself. I was in relationship. Toxic relationships with men just trying to feel loved. But I was disconnected from myself because if I was, I would have felt love, right? Um, there was just a lot of avoiding that so many of us do, whether it’s through scrolling, whether it’s through eating, drinking, shopping, binge watching television. It’s just that thing to not be still and to feel and to sit with ourselves. And I realized that I had spent a whole lot of my life like that. And I think we do that as like a sense of safety, you know, to not have to feel some of the stuff that we haven’t tapped into or dealt with. So the hope for the book really is that what people take away is that they stop and they slow down and they sit with themselves and they’re compassionate with themselves, and they realize that whatever it is that they’re feeling and going through, number one, it’s normal. And number two, it’s okay.
Alison: So do you recommend that people sit back and stop? I think I do the eating thing, I do the binge watching TV and I know I’ll be sitting there watching 5000 episodes of runway, whatever. You know what I mean?
Shari Alyse: Project runway? Yeah. I’m a fan too
Alison: One more dress. I could lose my mind, but I’m, like, stuck in it. What would you suggest to me? Just to stop? But that’s hard sometimes.
Shari Alyse: It is hard. But I think what’s really hard about it is almost the idea of, of the fear around what will happen. But once we actually stop and slow down. Yeah, there’s some challenges in there, but there’s so much. There’s so much like good and beauty and love. There’s life there, and we run from it for so long that we more fear what’s there than what’s actually there. Um, and so what I would say is, you know, there is healthy, I mean, there’s nothing wrong with watching TV. I don’t want people to think like, because they’re watching multiple episodes. It could just be a really good show, you know?
Shari Alyse: I know how to have fun. I binge myself. But it’s when, you know, when you’re avoiding something, you know, like there comes to a certain point, even for me, like every night at a certain time when things really start to slow down, like, I want to go and get a snack. And I’m not hungry. I just know it’s a sense of avoiding. And so. We could start easy. We could just in those moments that we’re feeling it, just stop and take a breath.
Shari Alyse: One of the most connecting things that I do for myself, and I do it every morning just to make sure that I’m there, is I put my hands on my heart and I just check in and say, how are you doing?
Jean: I love that, that’s it.
Shari Alyse: How are you? And so maybe in those moments at night when you want to watch another episode, maybe it’s just taking a breath. What do you need? How are you? And listening
Alison: That’s beautiful. Thank you. That’s what I’m going to do I’ll try that and I’m going to email you okay.
Shari Alyse: Okay! Then you can watch another episode if you’re called to!
Alison: Thank you. Also talk about being guided, which I am personally fascinated by because I think there are signs and moments that we all bring to each other. Can you talk a little bit about your thoughts on being guided and being open to it?
Shari Alyse: Oh yeah, I think we’re consistently and constantly guided. But it’s that thing about noticing… Of slowing down enough, and I will never profess that I know it all, or that I do everything perfectly, because I know that there are times that I don’t want to listen. There are times like it just seems it’s like, oh my God, I know I’m going to be told to do this harder thing or what seems harder. Uh, but I always feel like… An example – when I, when I… it was quite some time ago. I, for the first time, was really dealing with what happened to me at seven years old, I was taking a shower on my way to work, and all of a sudden the flashbacks came back. I’d always thought about what had happened. I never forgot, but it was always from this distant perspective, looking down like it’s a movie. But the first time I was in the movie and I broke down and I had to go. I was waitressing at the time and I had to go to work that day, and I remember I called my manager just bawling and was like, I can’t come in.
Shari Alyse: I’m having these memories. And she said, go take the time off, take whatever you need. And I went, I was driving and I went back home. Anyway, I turned the computer on and there was at the time, you know, pop up signs. There was a pop up ad to go to Sedona for Sedona, Arizona. I wasn’t open to signs… Like that was a literal sign for me now, I could have just ignored it and been closed it out. But there was that instant knowing that I needed to go there, and it was about trusting in that. And through that experience, I ended up going to Sedona and having never been there, didn’t know what was there except they talked about it was a really spiritual healing place. And in there I met my seven year old self on the top of one of those vortexes on the way out, which is another whole story, you know, in my book. And that changed the trajectory of my healing. Yeah. And if I didn’t trust that feeling inside that said go. I would have missed all that.
Alison: That gives me chills.
Jean: It is so important to trust and lean into those signposts.
Shari Alyse: Yeah. And it’s a deep knowing. And we can feel when we don’t listen like I’m sure we can look back. And there’s times where your gut, your intuition told you to follow something and you didn’t. And then the times when you do and there’s almost like… I, I was not connected to my body, you know, after what had happened, I very much disconnected. And the more that I have spent time with myself and really, you know, the self-awareness journey, I guess I can feel when things are an easy yes, I can feel the expansion. I could feel the openness and I could feel when something’s not quite right, a constriction. And I’ve learned to pay attention to that. Um, those are my physical signs to either do something or not do something.
Jean: I think your intuition does increase. It heightens. It gets more fine tuned when you do this healing work that you do. Because like you said, you’re coming back into the body that you separated from. So it makes sense that the more you tell your story that you accept it. You talk a lot about acceptance in your beautiful book. You’re sort of trusting the place of your body for your soul to be, and you become more your those six senses, the those spiritual gifts become online more.
Shari Alyse: Absolutely heightened awareness. I just said it the other day to my partner. I was like, I feel like I have this gift that I could go into a room and immediately know what everybody needs.
Shari Alyse: And by needs, I mean, you know, like what kind of energy they need from me where they’re at. And I realized that I learned that or became aware of that because of what happened to me at a young age, or the awareness of having to sense how everybody was, what the energy was in the room, a sense of safety. And also, you know, my parents went through a really terrible divorce, and I almost sometimes feel like that was more traumatic than the abuse, to be honest. Um, always my mom was always unhappy and you just never knew what the mood was in the house. And so I was always the entertainer and the peacemaker. So I was very sensitive to energies. Um, and so before it was all just coincidental. Now I use it as a superpower because now I know, like, I know how to make a room feel like that, things that they need. So I guess that’s there is that that awareness of our awareness.
Alison: You know, we saw we talked to Lorna Byrne and she speaks to angels. And it’s very much aligned with what you’re saying in that when you have a feeling or an idea…She used the example, give someone flowers. If you get them, do it. And so you’re saying it can be as simple as feeling the energy from someone. You don’t have to run out and buy something. And that’s beautiful because that means we could do that on a checkout line.
Shari Alyse: Oh, absolutely. It’s one of my favorite things to do is, well, first, to just gift people with a smile, like to just really look at somebody because we’re always all just so busy and in our own worlds. And back to waiting tables. I remember when I first moved to LA and I was working in Brentwood, and, uh, I was always just happy and “happy” I use because I didn’t understand it was joy at the time, because joy to me is full expression of ourselves. And I was always just me… That came easily to me. Um, but anyway, I walked up to this woman and she was like, what do you have to be so happy about? And from that moment on, there was this feeling of like, wow, not everybody… I knew that people were unhappy, but it became this thing where I really just wanted to take someone who didn’t give off the best energy and have them walk away feeling better. And I feel like I can do that. And I love doing that. And I feel like that’s a gift that I’ve been given that I love to give.
Alison: I think those type of moments are changing the world and keeping us afloat in times that seem very challenging.
Shari Alyse: And they’re simple and it’s simple to do.
Alison: I just want to read a quote that I think is my favorite quote of yours. “What if surrender has nothing to do with giving up something, but rather receiving everything?” And I pasted that on my wall… surrender…I’ve been taught it has a lot of meanings, but this meaning it’s not, you’re not defeated. You are powerful. Because it seems like, you know, dichotomy. Could you talk about that a little?
Shari Alyse: Yeah. So for years I held on. I tried to control and manage everybody and everything, to keep what I felt was safety for myself and what I realized that in doing that and holding on that I kept away so much. I blocked off so much, so many blessings, so many miracles, so many opportunities. And when I finally realized that all of this holding on, all it was doing was causing constriction and stress and anxiety and all of that within. And I loosened up. What happened is when I loosened and I surrendered, I then opened myself now to receive everything I had been blocking.
Alison: Is surrender the same as being vulnerable?
Shari Alyse: I think there’s a vulnerability in surrender. I don’t know if it’s the same, I think that when we surrender and we let go, it feels like we leave ourselves in this space of vulnerability. But I believe that it’s easy for us to be vulnerable when we trust ourselves.
Shari Alyse: And I think that’s what it’s always been for me, is learning to trust myself. And that took a lot of hindsight to look at how no matter what it was that I have gone through, that I always ended up okay. Yeah. So many of the things that I thought were really bad or that I would never get through, I became better because of.
Shari Alyse: And so you learn to trust that. And in that trusting I’m like, okay, it’s okay to put myself out there because I’ve got me.
Alison: Oh that’s great. My mind is equating vulnerability and surrender. Because surrender is like taking a leap and trusting also. Why do you think or do you think trust is hard these days? Or why do you think? Or maybe you don’t think that? What do you think about it?
Shari Alyse: Oh no, I think trust in are you asking for of ourselves or just anything.
Speaker4: Any trust…Because right now it almost feels a little bit like people are wary.
Shari Alyse: I think that’s I think that’s honestly, I mean, and I’m of course not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I think that’s all trauma related trauma response. Um, you know, I think everybody we all hold on to our beliefs and our perspectives and everything as a sense of, you know, safety again for all of us. And nobody wants to be heard. And we’ve all been hurt at some point, whether it’s let down by somebody or something. And I think the more that we have access to and see and the media and what they present to us, there is going to naturally be a weariness and a mistrust. Right? But work like the two of you do with Inside Wink and what I hope and am doing and presenting the good in the world. That’s where I think we begin to shift. And people don’t have to be so weary and mistrusting, right?
Jean: Yeah, I love that.
Alison: Me too.
Jean: I have one of many quotes to read from your book that I love. Okay, so you write. “When I gave myself permission to show up imperfectly, I found I could show up anywhere.”
Shari Alyse: So it was the most freeing thing ever. That’s like like suffering and honestly. And what I related to is like, so I have hair loss and I wear wigs. And I held on to that secret for so long because I was afraid that people were going to not love me or they were going to judge me. And the one thing that I held on to at some points when I didn’t believe in myself or love myself as much… I had to hold on to standards of beauty. I remember being at work, so I had hid the fact that I wore like first clip ins, and then I tried extensions and that just ripped the hair and then wigs. I hid it for probably like four years, and that’s a long time to hide it, especially when people just like go in to give you a hug and they’re hugging you and they’re pulling your hair back and you’re trying to keep it on… It’s a lot. It’s a lot. And I remember one night I was waiting tables and I was in the side station, and my manager goes into just take like a piece of lint off my hair. And I thought he was going to take my hair when he did that. I jumped so high and he was like, Shari, like, what is wrong with you? And I didn’t know what to say.
Shari Alyse: And the first thing that came out of my mouth was, I thought you were going to hit me. And he looked at me like I was insane, like, why would I hit you? And I share that because it was in that moment that I realized that I couldn’t go on, like hiding this thing that really didn’t make me who I was. And so that night, at that time, that’s when blogs were really, like, really big before, you know, social media. And I had one. Anyway, I decided I was going to write all of my followers and share the truth about my hair loss. And that night I wrote it, and I scheduled it to go out the next morning. And I remember I was so terrified. I ended up taking like a Tylenol PM so I could just go to sleep and not delete the blog. I woke up the next morning with a pit in my stomach, and I awoke to over 100 messages emails back from women, mostly thanking me for my honesty. And that was another time in my life when I realized that telling the truth helps and heals people and this idea of trying to be perfect and holding it all together is so much work and people so much appreciate when we are real.
Shari Alyse: And for me, you know, this perfection was always trying to do the right thing. I’m not perfect at being imperfect or, um, but it’s just so much easier. It’s just so much easier. And you end up with the people that ultimately love you and the people that you want to be around.
Alison: Right. And everyone is really connected in that.
Speaker4: Yes.
Alison: Like, you know, I did want to talk about. “Good morning, Joy”. Your show. Yes. Jean was on it and it, you know. So then that gets you hooked. Once I see that, I’m like, oh, watch more. It’s so wonderful. Can you tell our listeners how listeners how they can see it? And, um, what what have you enjoyed? Who have you enjoyed interviewing? Of course, besides Jean?
Shari Alyse: Well, Jean has been one of my favorites. So that is and I’m not just saying that because I’m on your show. Uh, because there was just I walked away from that show saying like these are more of the conversations that I want to have, right? Because there was so real and present and your soul was open. So thank you for that. But the show really is it’s I’m trying to put or I am putting something positive out in the world, in the media that really focuses on the good in the world. And that’s good, heartfelt, real conversations. It’s sharing the good news stories in the world, and it’s just having some fun. And, you know, we just completed for the first season and they can it’s it shows on Apple TV, binge networks, connect TV. The probably the easiest to do would be go to my YouTube channel is the easiest to find it. Or they could do. Good morning Joy Show.com.
Alison: Do you have a motto that you live by? Something that or like maybe words of wisdom that someone said that you could share?
Shari Alyse: I do actually, and it’s by Mother Teresa.
Jean: Oh, I love that.
Shari Alyse: And I heard it when I was much younger. And it’s what I live my life by, which is let nobody ever leave you without feeling better and happier.
Jean: Oh my gosh, Shari, that is so you. You are the the demonstration of that quote. And I wanted to say I loved being on your show. You made me feel so relaxed. And it was very easy to open up. And I left when Alison and I drove home. I just thought… Wow. Uh, Sherry is an answered prayer. Your heart and your intention are so aligned with with joy and goodness. So, um, we’re going to do whatever we can to champion your show.
Alison: I love that I and and I think, um, I think what you said, these are more conversations that I want to have. And it’s great that you’re on TV and it’s great that we’re doing a podcast. But I’ve had very meaningful conversations with people I didn’t know, like at the dry cleaner. Do you know? It’s really just being kind, I think. And you are ultimately that. And so we really appreciate you and I hope everybody reads your book and I hope everybody watches your show.
Shari Alyse: Thank you so much. Thank you both so much. It has been a literal joy, uh, to connect with both and for having me on your show.
Alison: You’re fantastic. We are so.
Jean: Grateful. And we’re always here for you.
Alison: Yeah. And if you want to ever talk to us again, just say, let’s do it again, and we’ll do it again.
Shari Alyse: Let’s do it again. Okay?
Alison: Okay. We’ll call you in 20 minutes. Okay. Have a great day.
Shari Alyse: Thank you so much. Bye bye.
Alison: That was a very fun interview for me.
Jean: Yeah.
Alison: Right. And I, I love the topics we touched on and when we gave her our favorite quotes.
Jean: Yes.
Alison: And she really sort of illuminated what she was talking about. I mean, the idea of having to be in control and surrender, I think, speaks to so many people these days, don’t you?
Jean: Oh, absolutely. And I also love that all throughout the book, she somehow comes back to connecting with yourself. And, um, I think that is so important to really living a life of joy is connecting to yourself and that the joy is within us. It’s not an external event. Right? That to her is happiness. Which I totally agree.
Alison: I totally agree too. And I love at the end of every chapter she goes, “Pssst, go easy on yourself”. Yes, almost every chapter…Because there was some chapters, I thought, oh, I’ll never be able to do that, or oh, I have so much to work on. And then this end of just like, go Easy on Yourself was such a sweet remembrance for me.
Jean: And for me too. And so I just invite whoever is listening right now. If there’s something that is really bothering you or you’re it’s like a a thorn in your side, just go easy on yourself.
Alison: And you were you were on her show. She has this great TV show I think it’s on her YouTube channel. Shari Alyse. And, um, the show is called the show is called Good Morning Joy. I always want to say THE morning joy, but it’s Good Morning, Joy.
Jean: I wanted to make sure. And she could not have made it more beautiful for me to be there and talk about grieving and just my process through that. But she’s just. I just really love her. I could have talked to her all afternoon.
Alison: And I love that we’re introducing people like this to ourselves and our listeners
Jean: I didn’t know about Shari. And, uh, she is a woman on a mission.
Alison: Yes. That’s right.
Jean: God bless her.
Alison: And we all need to, like, embrace the women and the people that we know that are passionate about good.
Jean: Yes. Right.
Alison: That’s it. We got to go make a dessert now.
Jean: Okay, let’s do it.
Alison: Goodbye.