Gifts.
That’s the theme for this month.
That’s easy. I love gifts.
I love the whole idea of gifts –
the giving, the receiving, the shopping, the making. I like surprising people and thinking about their expression when they open something. And I like it when I’m given something, too. All of it means there’s lots of love and thoughts and consciousness going around.
So, I start thinking about the gifts I’ve received…
When I was little a giant Pooh Bear in a homemade house (yes, my mom was incredibly imaginative and she never saw a “box”, instead she saw a home), my first Tiffany’s gift (talk about boxes- how iconic is that little blue one?) from my husband on our anniversary, a beaded necklace from my daughter that I wore almost as much as the Tiffany gift, a coupon book my son made me, that I have never used because who can bear to part with a coupon that reads “put your head down and rest”? All amazing gifts.
Then I started to think about more intangible gifts…
The gift of purposeful work, the gift of compassion that I have both given and been a recipient of, the gift of nature and how a walk up in the hills or a glance at the moon can calm me, and perhaps the greatest – the gift of companions and the love I share with my friends and family. I could write for days on all this.
But instead I land upon perhaps the most challenging idea of gifts for me.
The gifts I have given myself.
Full disclosure – I’m not as nice to myself as I could be. I have berated myself for mistakes and perceived lost opportunities. I have called myself names about my shape and/or my way in the world. I sometimes don’t truly uplift ME.
So, after a good amount of soul searching here’s what I’ve got:
Four Gifts I’ve Given Myself
1. Staying in touch and committing to people
I am proud to say that a lot of people in my wedding video from 30 years ago are still strongly in my life today. I have truly beautiful people in my circle. My family is not perfect but we are committed to listening to each other and sticking with each other for the long haul. My friends know that I am just a phone call away and that I will pretty much drop anything to be there for them. This one might be the easiest gift for me to truly own.
2. Accepting that I’m good at things
Not everything… but yes, some things. I’m good at organizing, cleaning and straightening up (from desks, to kitchens, to this website). I’m good at auditioning for acting parts… meaning I don’t get every role I audition for but I have really calmed down on taking it personally. I’m good at making people feel welcome. We have a fair amount of guests at our house and I like them to feel cozy and happy. So yes, even though there is a voice saying I could be BETTER… I can own the gift and accept I’m good at things.
3. The ability to work hard
My mom used to say that I’m like a “dog with bone”. I do not let it go until it’s done, complete and finished. For a long time I was hurt that she said that – but now I think it’s sort of a compliment. I step in if I see something needs to be done and I just put my head down and I do it. This gift has allowed me to do things I am very proud of – VIPHS, insidewink, Coming To – all things that I stuck with and saw them through. Good gift.
4. This article or the awareness that a pat on the back is deserved
I’m surprised I wrote this. I’m usually shy and embarrassed about this stuff, so if you’re still reading I’m very grateful. This has definitely been a gift and I share it in the hope that you will take a minute and give yourself a gift this holiday season. Become consciously aware of your true “good”… I know there is something you have given yourself and would love to hear about it below.
Have a happy holiday season.
Alison Martin
Alison Martin -- wife, mom, Emmy-award winning actress, writer, chocoholic. Bronx Italian, daughter of Pultizer Prize winning reporters, who also identifies as L.A. Irish. Shout outs: Dan, Emilia, Brady, pooches - LuLu & Ted, friends, Mother Earth, serendipity, peace, VIPHS, Boldfaced Secret, living life like your socks feel real good.
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So important to learn to be kind to myself as kind as I am to others
Thank you for this gift
And for the gift of your love and family and friendship
Can’t WAIT to try the Irish Soda Bread. And Allison… The Four Gifts… beautiful. Both the recipe and the article… “YUMMY”!
Allison, I love your theme here: The gifts I have given myself. I can relate to all four gifts and their meaning to you. Trending toward introvert, I’m terrible at staying in touch with friends and family who are far away. I’ve often felt guilty that I should do a better job of it. Framing the effort of getting out of my comfort zone, reaching out to keep loved ones close as a gift is motivating. Thank you! /EGA
Thank you for all your insights that have helped me this year Dr Aletta!
Thank you Alison and Jean. Both of your writings brought me to that moment where I pause and reflect on your words as they apply to me. And when the responses I here don’t feel complete, I take those thoughts into meditation. This morning was one of those experiences.
I’m grateful, yes, full of love for these moments of clarity, when I allow myself to listen to that Still, Small Voice.
When I reflect on love as an enhancer, I immediately think of my children and grandson. Well, truth be told, I think of my grandson and my children. There’s no place I’d rather be than in their company. This is where I truly know unconditional love to the point where I am so content, I feel as if my heart will burst. Being in the accepting presence of my tribe is a very close second.
Contemplating Self Love requires courage, surrender and practice on my part. It’s that place where that Voice reminds me I’m enough. I am the “beloved child of the Most High God.”
Here is where I let go of the attachment of my physical self and all my past thoughts about what it means. Here is where I give up being a people-pleaser.
An epiphany happened this morning… I realized that in trying to please others, I created the thoughts of not-enoughness. This is where fear begins to fester and self doubt and loathing are birthed. Letting go of the perception of what others think and comparing myself to others is truly freeing and I admit, will take practice.
Self Love is the experience of knowing myself as a Spiritual Being. It’s that Holy Instant where I know my Oneness with Love. Self Love is a Spiritual Practice.
Thank you.
Namaste❣️