“Peace does not mean an absence of conflicts; differences will always be there. Peace means solving these differences through peaceful means; through dialogue, education, knowledge; and through humane ways.” ~ Dali Lama
The Dali Lama is really onto something here…the reality that there will always be differences between people, because we all come from different perspectives is very true, and I, too, strongly believe that the bridge to a peaceful co-existence lies in our ability to respectfully communicate our feelings.
Communicating my personal feelings has been a challenge for me.
I was raised “to always keep the peace” and “to not rock the boat”, and the best one, “to obey and not question” because that’s what “good girls do”. These suffocating beliefs have had little, to no benefit whatsoever… and as obviously ill fated as they are, it was quite an undertaking to break free from these erroneous mental constructs.
Fear of confrontation, abandonment, disappointment and anger all presented a roadblock to my communication of personal desires, concerns and distresses. Silence was my preferred “modus operandi” and the emotional coin of inner peace was the price I paid. Thankfully, as I matured, the desire for peace of mind and authenticity surpassed these underlying fears.
While I was growing up, my family rarely talked about our feelings.
Talking about our emotions was basically “off limits” or just something we did not engage in. We would talk about things that needed to get done around the house, the high price of gas, what we were going to have for dinner…anything but feelings. The down-side of not being expressive, is that feelings become internalized and if they are not cleared up or understood, one’s inner state of joy, peace and passion can become compromised.
I‘m not blaming my parents here, because they did do the best they could; however, I’m aware of what the conditions were like while I was growing up and why I didn’t feel a sense of inner peace and certainty for such a long time.
What’s helped me the most in becoming truly peaceful within, is allowing myself to have my feelings without judgment.
I no longer try to suppress them. That’s the first step…and it is huge.
From there, I am on high alert – whenever I don’t feel good inside, I ask; is this discordant feeling coming from my own thoughts or feelings? And are these thoughts “true” in this instance?
This process forces me to stay present in the moment. When something happens, I can now experience it and realize that it is bringing up an old habitual thought or feeling that upsets me. I pause and, in that moment, take the first steps to healing and releasing that old thought. I really question the thought that I am believing. When I take the time to do this it brings me back to a state of peace.
I have also decided to speak my truth (heart) when I feel a calm assurance to do so.
I realize that communicating my feelings is just as important as my listening.
It’s like breathing, you can’t just inhale…there has to be the balance of the exhale too. This is how I began to love myself back to Wholeness and how I continue to experience the inner peace I had longed for.
Jean Trebek
Jean is a Professional Religious Science Practitioner, Reiki Master and Sound Healer. She grew up on Long Island, NY, and now lives in Los Angeles with her wonderful husband of 29 years, Alex, and has 2 amazing adult children, Matthew and Emily. Jean enjoys taking long walks, watching movies, and traveling. She is very grateful for her family, Willy the dog, friends and good coffee.
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Jean thank you for sharing your peace within…beautiful wisdom from beautiful wise woman
Sending you my kindest thoughts, Sabrina.
Love always, Jean xo
Thank you for your article, Jean! Your story really hit home. My family certainly never shared feelings. My father would lapse into moody silence which lasted for days, while my mother and I tiptoed about trying not to upset him further. I never knew or understood what my father’s demons were, I merely followed my mother’s lead. So much silence, tension, uncertainty. So many things I kept secret, never communicating my true thoughts or feelings. Instead I assumed the role of people pleaser, trying to be the person I thought others wanted me to be. All of my issues buried deep within where they festered helping to make me so very ill with painful, chronic, debilitating fibromyalgia. Desperate, considering spending what I was certain would be my final days in this world in misery in a nursing home, I prayed for a miracle I even prayed for my own death, anything to stop the pain. Unexpectedly my uncle, an avid reader and free thinker who was forever giving me books on spirituality and healing that went beyond traditional medicine, phoned. During our conversation he told me about the founders of Joy of Healing who had helped his family and the friends who introduced them to him with all manner of issues. Uncle Bill assured me if anyone could help me, they could. Eager to learn more about this work my uncle had such faith in I looked up the web site, and phoned the Overlees. Tamara spoke with such clarity and conviction about the conviction she and her husband , Andrew, shared to help others achieve wellness by overcoming physical, emotional, and spiritual issues. That was nearly twenty years ago and I am forever grateful to my dearest friends. Because of them and their beautiful healing work. I am still in remission, pain and prescription free. They worked with me to identify and deal with my unresolved issues, worked with health eating, and activity geared to meet my needs. So happy to have my life back restored and full! At long last I show others who I truly am freely sharing my thoughts and feelings. Looking forward to reading more of your articles!
Dear Janet,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
Many Blessings to you and all you hold dear.
Jean last year about the same time your husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer…so was mine. I remember being in the hospital while my husband was having Whipple surgery and seeing the announcements all over the TV. It is a year to date from the surgery and like your husband my husband is also doing good. He had an appointment today that confirmed he is doing good. It is a very scary time and share some of your emotions going thru the surgery and chemotherapy. Wished I had known of your blog before it may have helped me. I will try to remember to check in now and then.
This is so true, I have been studying communication errors and how they affect our every day lives. I am a (HEncopolapathy) patient and I have been developing some exercises that help me let go of the anxiety. I become extremely frustrated and become quiet. I have observed this reaction being played out repeatedly. I feel they still have a lot to say they just can’t figure out how to break through. Thoughts?
Best Regards
Michael
Jean, you never cease to amaze me with your strength and wisdom. You are an asset and a blessing to this life of ours. You have our hearts, Peter’s and mine.
dear Jean, I am so glad to have found your blog—thank you so very much.
now I will just say how much my husband and I are rooting for Alex recovery,
we just love him—I am so happy with his latest news, HAYDEE
Jean – I was so moved by your article. I’ve spent a lifetime searching for inner peace, after a childhood of abandonment by my family. I was that little girl who didn’t rock the boat and kept the peace to at any cost. Even after all these years, I still have to work with issues of self-worth. But your words resonated with me and offer a new way of thinking about how I can come to a sense of peace. Thank you! I am so happy to have discovered Inside Wink. Best regards, Judy Long
Dear Jean. As a dear fan of your husband I’d like to thank you for your blog. I was a caregiver for my husband for over 20 years. He had many medical issues over that period of time but the last 5 years of his life he was in need of full time caregiving. It was not easy as you know but the love we had for one another and our children and grandchildren gave us the strength to go on. God bless you and thank you for this blog and your comforting words. Sincerely yours and peace to you and your family, Kathy Mitchell
Thanks so much Kathy for your thoughtful reply. I’m so glad you found insidewink a source of comfort. I send you and your family my very best wishes. Be well..Be safe. Love, Jean
Dear Jean,
I really hope you are doing well after this terrible time in your life. May god be with you and your family. I hope your inside peace help with all the coping that comes afterwards. I wish I had that inside peace to help cope with my dad. I was his caregiver for 17 years. And became super depress and didn’t know how to get on even ground with everything. Now he is gone and I still will have nights, I lay away wondering how I could done better for him. I met Alex and he was such a kind man. I hope you find comfort in all your wonderful memories and family.